He sets the lonely in families.... (11/7/2010)

Psalm 68:5-6:

“A Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His Holy dwelling.   God sets the lonely in families, …..”

I searched the Book for verses that related to the fatherless two Monday nights ago, and I found this one that I was searching for.  But after finding it, I wanted to see what the before and after verses stated, and how they related to verse 5.  When I read the first part of verse 6, where it claims that He “sets the lonely (solitary) in families”, I stopped.  Something about that statement hit me with what we had experienced with Mary Beth those first few days of being home.  So I thought I would chew on this verse for a while and observe things over the next week and see exactly how this verse related to our newest daughter.   After the first week, our Father confirmed so many answers for me in our experience.  However, it was after 12:30 in the morning when I completed my last journal, and I could not muster the energy to express my thoughts.  So I prayed that He would continue to provide more answers and confirmation for me this past week. And as usual, He showed up in so many ways.  I cannot wait to journal them. 

It still blows me away how Mary Beth can be who she is and how she shows her love towards us (and sometimes perfect strangers) when she sees us.  I continue to express that to friends and family when asked how things are going.  Many times I get the same response of “Oh she’s so young, she can bounce back and she’ll be fine.”  Externally I smile in agreement.  But deep down inside, I know that if I – or even my own kids – were placed in her position over this past year, that we would not have her same heart for others.  If I had been abandoned by everyone I had known in my first few years of life, I would be bitter, selfish, untrusting of anyone that tried to get near and carry baggage with me that no one could touch.  (Many that know me might think that of me now…..and can agree with this statement.  J)  But Mary Beth shows none of that yet.

Once we broke through the thin wall of her interior the first couple of days of knowing her, we have seen some amazing things in her.  As long as she is in a comfortable situation, she is happy, free-spirited and ready to love on anyone that comes in front of her.  She has blown more good-bye kisses to friends and family than we can count.  She tells people “I love you!” as she leaves their presence, most of the time not knowing she may never see them again.  She willingly relinquishes anything that is not hers to give to someone else.  (But when something is hers, we have seen that she is very particular with her things.  If she gets something out to use or play with, she immediately places it back where it belongs, so she knows where to grab it the next time.  Our family is learning from these habits…..) 

All in all, I still stand in amazement at her heart.  Was she really lonely when she was fatherless?  Was she “fatherless” when she was with her family?  Why is her heart like this???  I mean, I would like to think that she has learned how to have all this joy in this short span of time in our family and everything.  I know we have had to add a little joy to her heart.  But there is something in her that shows her heart has been this way for a long, long time – way before we met her.  One night last week, I was giving her a shower before everyone got home (to get ahead of the rush), and I just sat back and watched her in the shower.  She was covered with soap and conditioner, water running all over her head and body, and she just sang and danced like she was all alone.  I had to chuckle and yell out loud “Who are you???  How are you like you are???  I don’t understand you!!!!”  I was simply met with a big soapy smile and her sweet laugh.  My eyes grew moist, and I just realized (like everyone else has) that she is just a sweet little girl looking to be loved……yet knowing how to love already.  Hopefully we can nurture her love and heart for others, as well as for her Father someday.  We want her to know that He was a Father to her when she was fatherless, and that she will know Him as her Father someday in our home. 

I waited for two weeks for our Father to give me some sort of evidence that this verse was something special for us.  We had the fortunate blessing of being invited to the annual Show Hope dinner last night (and still trying to figure out how that invitation made it to our mailbox).  Jenn’s parents happily volunteered to drive to Franklin so we could attend.  I just knew that my prayers for confirmation would be answered at this very special event.  And of course it did not take long for those prayers to be answered.  The first family video that was presented of a family that had been supported in their adoption efforts by Show Hope brought this verse up in their testimony.  If He had not shown this verse to me two weeks ago, it would have skirted right past me, and I would not have received the blessing that David (the psalmist) spoke of in this prayer.  Of course it was that testimony that sparked an amazing event for the night. 

This dinner was very special to us in that we were now “in the family” of adoptive parents.  We were now able to experience this dinner as those who have been down the road…..like a 3+ year pregnancy…..and finally received our child to share His testimony with others.  Not everyone there was an adoptive parent.  But everyone has a heart for honoring the words of James in James 1:27, as people were there to show support specifically to decrease the number of orphans in this world – one at a time.  As I sat there at the dinner, so many feeling ran through me, and I fought back tears all night long.  Finally at the end, Steven Curtis Chapman sang his song “Yours” (on our playlist) and the tears started to flow. Our Mary Beth is His – no matter where she was or where she is!!  If we would realize that all 140 million orphans across the world are all God’s children, we would understand that He is still their Father, and He has commanded us to take care of them – through any means necessary.  We do not all have to adopt them, as not everyone is called to adopt.  But we are to pray for His wisdom to understand what our role is in decreasing the growing number of orphans daily.  Our Father is a “father to the fatherless”, and He desires them into His family one day.  Chances of that happening in an orphanage where His Word is not taught or lived out are very slim.  Focusing our hearts on Heaven and not in this world will align our hearts with His to care for these little ones. 

Some other cool conversations and reactions have been confirming His promise this week.  A family that we have gotten to know this past year at church informed me today that they are now starting to talk about adoption.  A good friend at work informed me this week that her heart is being tugged to discuss adoption in their family.  And a couple of friends that Jenn has become close to in school are also broaching the topic of adoption as an option.  YES!!! His Word will not return void!  I am not saying that our experience has any direct correlation on these topics for these particular families, as adoption has grown in this area for a long time.  But even if we played a small part in the tugging on the hearts with these families, it reminded me today of the verse in “The Desert Song” by Hillsong United that I have been praying through since this summer – “This is my prayer in the harvest, when favor and providence flow.  I know I’m filled to be emptied again; the seed I received, I will sow.”  If we come back from China and do not share His message of hope for this little girl – sowing the seed during a season of harvest – when will we obey and complete the work He has called us to do?  So if Mary Beth has been given this heart for life and for others, so that we can have the faith to share her experience, we are to be faithful in His work and share His message to reach beyond what we can even fathom.   I need to continue to realize that this process is not about me, Mary Beth or what our family can do for this little girl.  All of this is about our Father and His message.  He qualifies those that are called to do His service. 

One last thing…….  Today is Adoption and Orphan Sunday (11/7/10) where churches and family organizations will focus services and events on the need of caring for orphans across the world.  Today also represents exactly 13 months ago that this little girl was abandoned by the possible only family that she knew at the gates of the orphanage in the Fuling district in middle-China.  Today, Mary Beth experienced this special day of recognition not as an orphan any longer, but as one who was adopted into a family that truly loves her for who she was created to be!  Praise Father God Almighty that He planted a seed in our hearts over four years ago to work towards bringing a new daughter someday, and He already had this little beauty planned for our family.  We had absolutely nothing to do with it, but follow his direction.  He orchestrated all the steps for us…..as He does so faithfully when He calls us to follow.

When we moved towards the route of adopting a special needs child in January of this year, we wanted to see if there was a possibility of us helping out a child that the world considered unadoptable.  What we did not realize that instead of realizing the blessing of adopting a child with special needs was that our Father knew that we were the one with the special need to have this little girl in our home.

We are all Fatherless until we are adopted by our Father God and come to accept Him as our Father.

Week 2 Recap (11/7/2010)

This past week was another one of reflection and baby steps. 

The preschool at CPA agreed to let Mary Beth and I visit on Monday, so we could get our feet wet in the class that Mary Beth would eventually be placed.  It was obvious that as we walked into class that she was not comfortable around all these new children.  She cried a little and whimpered some as she sat in my lap while I talked with the directors and teachers.  But after three hours of being there and seeing me interact with the other students, she warmed up a little and started to wander off and play with others in the class – but keeping me in the corner of her eye.  At the end of the three hours, one of the sweet directors gave me the go ahead to start her on Wednesday, and she would take on any extra of the class as the teachers did what was required to console her until she felt comfortable.  We wanted to get her started, but that blew us away.  At that point we were not ready for that big step.  But we started praying for guidance. 

Late that next day, we were unsure of what to do.  She cried at my mother’s as I left her earlier in the day.  But when I arrived at their house later that evening to pick her up, my dad had gotten home from work and took her from my mom – after she had cried hard for us since 3:00 that afternoon.  I guess that was confirmation enough that it might be too soon to start her in school.  But that left me bringing me to Murfreesboro every day and relying on our parents to keep her each day.  The love doing so and would not have it any other way.  But they did not sign up for this, as this was our endeavor, and we needed to figure something out. 

Fortunately, each day got better when I left her at the grandparents’ houses, and on Friday, she left me with a kiss, a “good bye, I love you!”  and took off to play with GG.  Praise the Lord!  Finally, she prayerfully understood the conversations we were having in our daily journey – that daddy will come back to pick you up, and there is no need to cry.  She seems to be pretty bright, and I hope that this is sinking into her. 

My new cousin ,Caroline and my awesome big sister!

Watch out Yao Ming!!

Katie and Charles join the Garvin-McKnight photo

She did cry for about 30 minutes when we left for the Show Hope dinner last night.  But I called on Devin to “pony-up” and get her back to a happy state as soon as he could.  Admirably, he stepped up and took on the not-so-fun responsibility and settled her down as soon as he could.  We were very proud of him!  This gives us an idea that he can take on responsibility like this going forward…..and we will require much of him.  (Poor guy did not know what he was stepping into……)

Tomorrow, I will again approach preschool (aka Mary Beth’s and daddy’s school since I was there with her last week….) and rely on the teacher’s call of when I can leave.  If I stay the entire time, that is fine, and I will let her see me interact with all the other students to let her know that I was ok with everything.  We will see how it goes.  If all goes well, we might start her before Thanksgiving break.  Pray!!!

Devin is doing well, as he continues to realize that middle school is a little different, and he better step it up a little in order to stay caught up.  He is on the 6^th grade basketball team, which means that tomorrow he starts practice at 0600 in the morning on Monday, Wednesday and Friday’s….  Yuck….  But I guess that is better than staying late at night and that is one less child to get ready for school during normal days as everyone is scurrying out the door.

Luke is a champ as always.  I love to see his heart for others grow.  We are preparing for our first season of indoor soccer this season, and he is excited to do something different.

Lauren is a fighter.  That is all there is to it.  She continues to show love and affection to Mary Beth, only to be met with resistance so many times.  It frustrates her, as it would anyone that waited for this “present” for so long.  But she continues to not give up – despite my warnings to her, as I do not want her to be hurt.  We do not know why there is resistance to Lauren, when she shows love to so many others.  It has to be something in her past that we need to uncover.  But we also must know that it will take time and more love to unravel what is going on inside her towards a sister.  It can be done.

I love it when daddy lets me cook breakfast!

Jenn?  Well she is in her normal late-night position of sitting on the floor amidst piles and piles of papers to grade.  We are doing what we can to keep the house, meals and everything in order as much as possible.  But everyone knows that we cannot do what mom’s can do with their eyes closed.  (So hopefully she will keep her eyes closed to see what we are NOT getting done around here!!)  She is a rock and the one that keeps us moving forward.  I am blessed!!

Starting a new week in amazement that He wants us in this journey with Him!

A Week of Gifts and Grace (10/31/2010)

Wow!  What a week it has been for us as Mary Beth has been home with us for 10 days now. The best way to wrap it up is in His Grace and the gifts received – both of which continue to blow us away.

You have to love that smile!

I have shared with many how Mary Beth has just adopted our home, our extended family, the family practices in our home, and our friends so willingly.  Honestly I still do not understand how she can be so loving and friendly with others here, as we have taken her from EVERYTHING that was familiar to her.  We know that at 4 ½ years old, Mary Beth is bright enough and well aware of all that is going on.  So it is not like she is going to wake up one day and realize that things seem a little different all of a sudden.  She is “in the here and now” in her mind and in her spirit.  We know that we prayed daily for seeds of favor to be placed in her heart for our family before we met her.  We assumed that those seeds would only reach the five of us in the family that was going to meet her.  (We also assumed that she would have seen our faces in the picture that we sent to her…..that she never received.)  But as we have seen the way in which she has reacted so favorably to so many strangers, we realize that our Father’s hand was far-reaching beyond what we expected…..as He usually does.

Last weekend was a little rough as we were still trying to get used to our regular time schedules, and we had a very hard time staying awake when needed.  The Friday night after we arrived back was the first time I had ever fallen asleep at a traffic light after leaving work.  The quick dream was what woke me up in time to see the green light telling me it was time to get moving.  Jenn’s brother and family came up to meet Mary Beth that weekend, and it was incredible to see her immediate interaction with her new cousins in the family. It was like she had always known them, and they played for hours that Saturday afternoon.

My first haircut in the USA

After we spent time over the weekend trying to get our bearings, reality hit Monday morning when all the familiar faces jumped in Jenn’s truck early to head to school…..and all she had to look at was me.  She cried for 30 minutes after they left, as it seemed like her world was rocked again.  This was the first time since October 11^th that she was not with all the kids, and she did not like it one bit.  So after sitting with her to get her calmed down, she realized this was the situation for the day, and she commenced with her day in true form. 

The plan for these first two days was that it was going to be “Daddy Boot Camp”, so I could get started teaching her letters, numbers, colors, family requirements, her role in the family, etc, etc, etc….   So as we started working on flash cards and crayon boxes, it started to hit me that she was FOUR YEARS OLD!!!  A lightning bolt hit me to help me realize that I did not need to expect her to learn all of these things in two days, much less expect her to master all of these tasks when so many other 4 year olds may not have some of these down pat yet.  So I quickly laid off after a little bit, and we enjoyed getting to know each other much better over this rare time in our lives that I may not get back.  These two days were totally awesome, and I would not have traded them for anything that the world may deem important.   I am blessed that I was able to spend this time with Mary Beth, and I hope that this grew our relationship as well. 

Actually we did get pretty close this past week, and I hope I was able to lay a strong foundation of what she was to expect in a daddy that is going to be firm and loving…..and not going anywhere.  My concern with our relationship is that she might relate me back to someone in her past that may have been a “baba” (daddy) in her life that was not very positive.  I do not know who the last person she saw in her life that she knew as she stood at the gates of the orphanage.  My fear is that if it was her biological dad or mom, will she have negative feelings towards us as well?  There is nothing we can do about that, but pray that we can maintain stability in her life going forward and present to her the Father’s love in her parents and family.    Praise Him that His grace is abundant for matters such as “abandonment”, and He can cover that easily!

I will show them that I can swing....

I eventually had to get back to the real world on Wednesday and head back to work.  After Mary Beth willingly hopped into my mom’s arms last Saturday at Luke’s flag football game, she looked back at me to let me know that she would gladly keep her all week!  I reminded mom (Nana) this week that her first words to us 3 ½ years ago when we dropped the “adoption bomb” on them was that she was not getting any younger.  When she and dad dropped her by my office Thursday evening, it was the youngest I had seen my parents in years!  I told Jenn they were loving life and enjoying the “youth” that Mary Beth showed them that day. 

Each day I left Mary Beth at their house started out with much crying as I left their house.  But each day also decreased in the volume and velocity, as she grew closer to them.   But as I drove off that second day from their house, it hit me to wonder why wouldn’t she cry?  Over the past year, she has been abandoned and lied to as people walk away from her.  (We experienced it with people she knew in China as she saw them for the last time.)  In her mind, why would we be any different to her???  I know that these next few weeks will still have some of the emotional aspects when we leave her at certain places.  However, we pray that she will eventually understand that she can completely trust us and know that we will not be leaving her.

Mom and Dad – Kudos to you in not letting a language barrier keep you from taking on the task of keeping Mary Beth this past week.  I know it was ominous to take on that task, but you never backed down, and you never let it hinder your time together.  Thank you for your days and your strength (as we have found out she requires much of both)!

Jennifer also started back to work full time this week, and she was chomping at the bit to get back to her students that she loves dearly.  She was walking back into some huge tasks as she returned, as she had missed the parent conferences the week before when all the report cards were provided to parents.  So this week has been spent getting all the last grades recorded, written on report cards, and scheduling and meeting with parents to get the first quarter closed out.  She was so tired all week…..yet NEVER complaining (she never complains!!!!!)  about any second of it.  Actually she fell asleep at the kitchen table two nights this week.  So please pray for her strength to get through these next few weeks as she get herself caught up in class and that the kids and I will handle all of the tasks of the home with grace and keep her out of the mix of these items.

Since I am traveling from Franklin to Murfreesboro for work, I had the opportunity to take Mary Beth each day to my parents.  Talk about wondering how to handle that 1 ½ hours each day in the car with someone that does not understand you was a little fearful to me.  I am one that likes to engage with my children while we are in the car, as I cannot stand to just sit there and not talk to them when it is just us.  But what was I going to talk about when Mary Beth only knew a few words.  However, grace abounded again, as He opened up the doors for us to go over so many things during this cool time together.   One of the neatest things we have done is listen to some music together to help her English.  We found a CD that Devin had from years ago from Bible Drill that has three songs on it that are all going over the books of the Bible.  After three days of listening to these over and over (and over…..), she is finally grasping the names and starting to sing them!  What better books could she be learning at this time?!?!  So now whenever we are in any vehicle, she wants that CD in, and she is getting our other children re-interested in it, as she entertains them with the hand signals and “car-seat-dance-moves” that she and I have created for the songs.   Her favorite names of books to sing right now are Joshua and Nehemiah.  (Some of those Old Testament books are hard to say….)

One of the last acts of grace shown to us came on Friday afternoon as I was leaving the office with Mary Beth.  As I was leaving the office with Mary Beth, I stopped back in to introduce her to one last person and parked in the front of the building quickly.  After getting back in the car, I started to back up, then realized that I did not have Mary Beth’s backpack with me to work on some things on the way home.  So instead of taking all the required steps of pulling back up and putting the car in Park before hopping out of the car, I skipped the last step.  I hopped out of the car without putting the car in Park.  Before I could get back in to step on the brake, the car pulled forward, popped over the sidewalk and right into the wall of the building.  It actually hit right below the window of the office of one of our vice presidents.  I just sat there stunned at the bonehead move I had just made.  To say the least, I made quite a racket inside the office.  Oddly enough, my car just suffered a scratched-up front bumper.  But the building and window were not that lucky.  Fortunately, I work for some gracious folks that realize that brick and mortar can be repaired, and they were glad that no one was hurt.  Mary Beth did not even realize what had happened.  But I did, and it has haunted me all weekend thinking that I could have done that same thing without having a non-moving wall in front of me.  Hopefully this little stunt will help me to slow down and take the time to take all necessary precautions when stopping my vehicle in the future.  Not one of my brighter moments in life…..  But i was provided grace in so many ways during this accident. It could have been much worse.

I also want to let anyone and everyone know that Jennifer and I truly cannot thank you enough for the continued gifts of prayers and other needs you are meeting for our family during this adventure.  From the many clothes that were donated to Mary Beth before she arrived home, for the incredible meals that have been provided by neighbors and families from Jennifer’s 2^nd grade class at school, and the monetary gifts that have complete blown us away, we do not have words to offer to you for the gratitude due to you.  Mary Beth has been completely dressed in donated clothes pretty much every day we have had her (and in very nice clothes too!).  Jenn and I are starting to gain back the weight we lost in China with all of the meals that her class families are providing nightly.  The food has been incredible, and we are grateful for the time spent to keep us out of the kitchen as we get back to our regular schedule.  And I have been amazed at the monetary gifts we have received, even during this week.  Some of the gifts we know where they have come from, and we can thank those who have given.  However, there continue to be gifts provided to us from anonymous sources.  We would like to thank those who have provided for us as such.  However, we understand that these gifts were given anonymously for a reason, and we at least hope that those who have provided understand what a need they have met in our journey.  So we want to thank EVERYONE who has helped us get through this incredible pilgrimage graciously. 

Personally, I am not a great gift-giver.  In turn, I am also not a great receiver of gifts either, as I do not always handle receiving undeserved gifts well like all that we are receiving now.  However, it is open hearts such as these that is opening my heart to be a more willing giver of gifts when needed.

On June 2, 2009, our Father revealed a verse to me that struck me where it needed as Jenn and I were struggling with some major financial decisions during that period of time.  Psalm 104:27 states, “These all look to you to give them their food at the proper time.”  (This same passage is repeated by David in Psalm 145:15.)  I had just prayed for guidance along these matters earlier that morning, and Psalm 104 was the passage I was studying that morning.  I knew that “food” was not what we were praying over.  However, it reminds me that when we pray for our Father to “provide us our daily bread” in the Lord’s Prayer, He is looking to provide for us in ways that He understands and desires.  He always provides what we need…..yet we seem to doubt Him so often and not give these matters over to Him.

All in all, we could not have asked for a better first week with Mary Beth at home.  When people have asked how it was going, I have been without words for the most part, since I really cannot explain it.  I guess that is why our Father just wants us to say “WOW!” when we see Him at work, because words just cannot explain why He does what He does for us.

Soaking in His abundant, never-ending Grace!