About four hours ago, I was completely mentally and physically drained, with absolutely no inspiration to write tonight. A great celebration this afternoon at the US Consulate was hampered by our first TRUE tantrum that occurred before dinner, and it drained me with no words to share of the day. However, our Luke capped off the night to give energy and inspiration to share our family and “Family” news of the day.
I have explained how odd we find it that after 3+ years of scrambling around for paperwork, staying up many nights completing documents and writing essays/autobiographies and updates and throwing $$ after express letters to get to places in time, we would have thought the final step that we had waited so long to occur would have had the same fanfare of all the work that went into the “chase”. This morning was spent waiting next to the phone from 8:30-11:00 (10:39 to be exact) to make sure that the paperwork and documents sent to the US Consulate was accurate and could be approved. Once our guide called us to let us know that we were approved, nine Non-Hague families from GWCA traveled to the US Consulate for the oath-taking ceremony. First of all, every map we have seen on Sha-mian Island shows the US Consulate’s office right next to the White Swan. As we arrived in the lobby, our guide said it was a 40 minute bus trip to the new office (of which will soon be located elsewhere). So we had to scramble to make sure we had enough for a three hour trip, and the boys bagged the trip once they found out it was another bus ride. The actual oath-taking ceremony was held with all the families in the waiting room standing at one time to get “sworn in”. Once that occurred, we signed one final document and left. Not a huge ordeal like I expected. But you know? After waiting with anxiousness to make sure we were ok, I will take the lackluster ceremony to just get my daughter home!!!!!!
As I sat back this afternoon, I remember journaling just hours before we left with anticipation, looking forward to getting to China, like so many families across the globe. Now there are about 50 rooms in this huge hotel that are counting the hours before they can leave for home!!! Everyone is ready to leave, and our part is done. We are NOW officially parents to Mary Beth LeWei McKnight.
The lady that spoke to us at the Consulate’s office asked if there were families who were on their 2nd and 3rd adoptions. Lots of parents proudly raised their hands. Bless them and their sacrifice. It is so encouraging to us to see the parents and siblings all ready to give what they have to give life to a little child. PTL!!!
Also one more thing for us to remember in the future. Special needs adoptions are on the rise. In 2008, 47% of Chinese adoptions were special needs. The number rose to 57% in 2009 and 67% in 2010 thus far. I have also heard that there are now many empty beds in orphanages across China for non-special needs children. However, those with severe special needs are on the rise. Our hearts go out to those in China and across the globe that are giving all they have to either care for or raise money to assist these little blessings to be raised with adequate care in the hopes of future adoptions.
On the way to the Consulate’s office, Mary Beth sat in my lap, and we worked on our English letters - trying to help expedite the process of getting her into a preschool soon. We had a great time on the way. Then as we were there, she was giving Jenn, Lauren and me kisses the whole time. We were all in heaven, as Jenn and Lauren both wanted that time of bonding to occur more before we left her home country. So overall it was a great trip. Then…..we arrived at the hotel hungry and tired and….everything went south for us.
I recall writing the past few days of putting a caveat of “yet” of the issues that we had not experienced with Mary Beth that other parents were facing. Well the “yet” is no longer, and we crossed that bridge tonight. I am trying to forget the details of what started it, but it was something minor (but not to her obviously) that blew up. Mary Beth has been repeating everything we have asked her to say to help her learn her English. Today, she even gave me the hand signal of “I love you” with her right hand. So she understands us well. We asked her to say “Sorry daddy” and we could go on to dinner. It was obvious by her eyes (not looking us in the eyes) that she knew she had done wrong and refused to say those words. We knew that this was a crucial point, and we could not give in. She knew what was going on, and we had to stand our ground. Jenn said she would stay behind. However, it was me that she needed to talk with, so I stayed behind. During the next 60 minutes of crying, screaming, kicking, etc, etc, etc (get the drift), I calculated that if we accumulated the years of parenting by adding all three of our childrens’ ages together, we have 29 years of accumulated parenting under our belts (Chinese math…..). During these years of parenting, I could combine all the fits of our first three children, and they would not have come close to what Mary Beth showed me during that hour. Once we arrived at dinner, I told the kids that she said “Mama!” 462 times. (If Jenn was worried about the bonding issue……she owes me dearly that I helped her cause tonight. HA!)
During this time, I knew that she needed to know that I was here for her and that I would love her. So I just held her as close as I could, caressed her back, arms and legs (when she was halfway still) and told her I loved her over and over. I pray that she understood all of this and knows that her daddy is not going anywhere.
After going through an hour of all of this, I was able to get her to answer a couple of questions, and she finally repeated “sorry daddy” to me, and we reconciled. We put our shoes back on, washed our hands and I carried her in my arms all the way to dinner (Lucy’s again….). Actually I wanted to walk all the way around the island, so we could have more time together. But she was great at dinner with all of us, and we know that we will have more of these, yet prayerfully diminishing in scope, over time.
As I reflect back on this, we – and all of the parents here with us – have to realize that we are battling so many things that are stuck in, hidden and locked away in the brains and hearts of each of these little ones. It looks like Mary Beth is one of the oldest children being adopted, along some new friends from Philly that have a little beauty the same age. (I actually passed them on the way to dinner and told them that they were my inspiration the prior hour, as I know that they have struggled with a lot of the same things with Lexie.) That means that these older ones have more “baggage” that we have to filter through to have her get the past out of her. She has been raised in at least three places (that we know of) in her 4+ years of life. Very few of us reading or writing this ever faced that, if you think about it. Now she is going into a family of people that do not look like her, cannot understand her, and do not discipline like anyone in her past. I cannot say that I would not have reached my limit if I was in her shoes too. So we will have a road to travel with Mary Beth as we bring her home and raise her as our child. We are excited to let her know that we will love her and never leave or forsake her……just as our Father as done for us as His children. (Big shoes to follow….)
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| Mary Beth works all the time |
As I write this late at night, she just had another dream for the 2nd night in a row where she starts fussing, talking and violently kicking the covers. I have to realize that she is just 8 days from her past, and she may have lots of nights like this before she closes part of her past for a more peaceful future. We request prayers for all these little children as they look for peace, “faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love”.
But to cap off the night, we bring Luke in as the closer for the day. We have seen a lot of changes in Luke’s attitude lately if he does something that he sees is not as acceptable behavior in himself. He will come up to either one or both of us and apologize for his heart not being right or for an action that he knew was wrong. So we knew that he was going through a time of recognition and conviction of his heart. We also knew that he knew “the right answers” if he was asked something about salvation, but had never mentioned something to us directly about it. After a few minutes of Luke and Jennifer going missing for a few minutes tonight, she came out of the bathroom and told me that Luke wanted to talk to me about something. So I went in there with him, and he told me that he had asked to receive Jesus as his Lord and Savior!!! Yes!!!! PTL!!!! That answer was worth every ounce of frustration and pain that occurred earlier in the day. He and Jennifer had prayed for him to receive Jesus a few minutes before that. We discussed that he knew that Jesus was tugging at him a few weeks earlier, but waited to ask until now. What better place to ask – China!!!
I know that this week has made a difference for Luke, as he has asked a lot of questions about what other religions believe that are local to this area. Plus, he has heard GDaddy meet a lot of people here that are “B’s” as well, and this has encouraged Luke in his faith.
What better way to reflect on this day than to know that we added one more to our family…..and one more of our family was added to HIS FAMILY!!! We are blessed indeed.
Soli Deo Gloria!
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